Master of None is a Netflix original series starring Aziz Ansari. It’s a contemporary romcom and it’s pretty excellent. It’s unique, fresh, quirky and full of heart. The core of the show follows the love life of Aziz’s character Dev, but there are some great standalone episodes too. There was the episode titled Thanksgiving in season 2 that won an Emmy, that depicted one of the main characters coming out to her family, there was the episode titled Parents that depicts the transition of Dev’s immigrant parents into America, there’s the episode titled New York, I Love You that follows a few New Yorkers in their day to day lives. All of these are great episodes, but the one I want to talk about is the one titled First Date.
Dating apps are extremely popular in today’s society. On paper, dating apps are the perfect way to meet people. You’re exposed to tons of people every day that you’d almost certainly not be exposed to otherwise, and unlike meeting someone in real life you don’t have to deal with any awkward unwanted advances. It’s the perfect setup, or so it seems. Like a lot of single adults that live in New York (or anywhere in America), Dev is on dating apps, and this episode shows Dev going on first dates with various people he met from those dating apps. It goes the way you’d expect. He meets a lot of different women and goes on a lot of dates. Some of them are good, some of them not so good, but he ends up back where he started, which is alone. Now how could that be? All of those women, all of those dates, and it didn’t work out with any of them? This illustrates an issue with modern dating.
Let’s start with the obvious, just because you’re exposed to a lot of women on social media and on dating apps, doesn’t mean that all of them are available to you, and even the ones that are available to you may not be good for you. Maybe your beliefs don’t align, maybe you meet her and see there’s just no chemistry or spark, there are a bunch of things that could make you decide you don’t like someone. That being said, even if you like someone, things still might not work out. It takes a minor miracle for everything to fall into place in romantic endeavors. You have to like the person and the person has to like you, that’s a given, but you also have to like each other more than all of your other potential suitors. That’s where things get interesting.
My mom used to tell me that I’d know I found “the one” when I liked that person more than anyone else I could potentially go out with. That sounds all well and good, but my parents got married in the early 90s, back when a normal person’s dating pool realistically was like 10 people max. In modern dating, with dating apps and social media, the normal person has significantly more options. That’s the crux of the problem. As a single, introverted man in his mid 20’s, I appreciate the options that I have, but it definitely makes it harder to commit to someone now. If someone doesn’t perfectly fit the description of your ideal partner, people are more willing to move on now because they know there are countless other potential suitors right around the corner. With more choices, you have to be extremely nit picky to make sure you’re making the right choice. With this mindset you take what was at first an abundant pool of people to choose from and shrink it down to a small fraction of that. Even though that’s the case, people still maintain the belief that their dating pool is massive, when it’s actually not as big as it seems.
In modern dating instead of looking for reasons to be with someone, we have to look for reasons not to. On social media we’ll often be presented with these silly topics related to dating that ask about the significance of body count, splitting bills, who pays for the date, whether you should be liking other people’s Instagram pictures, what you bring to the table, and other non-important things. I think that part of the reason these topics are so popular now and weren’t really in past generations (besides the fact that social media is more prevalent now) is because this generation is trying to find new ways to narrow their dating pool even further.
It seems now more than ever people are against committing, and are okay with being single for as long as possible. Even if you’re looking for that kind of exclusive/committed relationship, all of the options you have still make it hard for you. I think of it as an ice cream shop with an infinite amount of flavors that lets you sample the flavors you’re interested in, but you’re only allowed to actually get one of them. Except in this case it’s even more difficult because the ice cream would have to choose you too, and the ice cream also has an infinite amount of options. It seems impossible. When I go somewhere to get ice cream and there are a lot of options, I usually try to narrow it down as much as possible and then just take a guess on which one I think I’d like the best, but obviously in dating the stakes are much higher (which is probably why I’ve never been in a relationship). When you’re presented with so many choices it becomes almost paralyzing to commit to one due to uncertainty and fear that you’re making the wrong choice. In the show, Dev ends the episode still single, and back on the dating app. It becomes a seemingly never ending cycle of trying to get matches to go on dates with, going on dates, and then trying to find more matches again. In the next episode when he has to decide who to take to a nice dinner party, he ends up going with a friend because he’s unable to choose anyone else.
Modern dating can be fun, exciting, even invigorating. But it can also be frustrating, overwhelming, and leave you feeling hopeless at times. Like most things in the modern world, the modern dating game has its pros and cons. At this point I think it’s unrealistic to say people should get off the dating apps, I mean even without dating apps there’s still social media, and I think it would take a lot to change the mindset of the general public to make it acceptable to just approach people randomly in public like in the old days. So ultimately I guess we just have to accept that this is how things are and try to enjoy the process as much as possible. That’s what I tell myself at least.
Also side note, I highly highly recommend watching Master of None (at least the first 2 seasons). It’s one of my absolute favorite shows. It’s a very lovely, wholesome watch.
Just some guy on the internet 