A lot of emphasis is put up on men to be alphas. Alphas take charge, alphas don’t ask for help, alphas never show any insecurities or vulnerabilities because it could be misconstrued as weakness. Strength is mandatory always. Real men have to be the strongest, the toughest, and of course they have to be having as much sex as possible. The nature of masculinity is very isolating and competitive, which sometimes impairs men’s ability to successfully create friendships. This is also reflected in movies and tv. Movies that highlight the friendship between men usually depict them in settings that highlight their masculinity. Often either bonding over violence (cracking jokes and cracking skulls), or sex. Both of which are both strongly associated with masculinity.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the typical buddy cop/bromance format. The Rush Hour movies, 21/22 Jump St, Bad Boys, the list goes on and on. All very entertaining. Even if violence doesn’t take center stage in a movie that highlights the relationship between 2 men, they’re typically bonding by going after women or something. Think of Superbad, Wedding Crashers, Swingers, etc. That being said, I really appreciate the movie I Love You, Man. I Love You, Man sets itself apart by glorifying and romanticizing friendships. It’s basically a romcom starring Paul Rudd with Jason Seigel as the main love interest. Unlike the movies mentioned, this movie has the relationship between the two leads as the focus of the story. The whole plot is just a regular guy going around trying to make friends.
All of the masculinity narratives get flipped in this movie. You can argue that Rudd and Seigel’s characters are strong in their own way, but not in the conventional way that we’re accustomed to seeing in movies. They both show plenty of vulnerabilities and insecurities throughout the course of the movie. In fact, the whole beginning part of the movie frames Rudd’s character as being a pathetic loser for not being able to cultivate any male friendships.
It’s hard to create and sustain friendships. Especially in adulthood. Especially as men in adulthood. I Love You, Man provides a good blueprint for how to do so. The characters don’t bond by beating people up or going after women. They have a lot of mutual interests and sustain the relationship with a bunch of man-dates. Similar to how romantic relationships are built and sustained over time. The characters stick up for each other, they support each other, they’re there for each other, and they also bring the best out of each other. Rudd’s career gets advanced as a result of this friendship, and Seigel becomes more mature. This movie successfully shows that healthy platonic friendships are just as important and fulfilling as romantic relationships.
I think it’s cool that we’re currently in an era where the idea of masculinity is being pushed and expanded. I Love You, Man is one of the first movies I can remember that pushed the boundaries of masculinity in this manner (I think it came out in 2009). So it will always have my respect. It’s definitely a movie worth checking out.
Just some guy on the internet 