Would other people consider you to be quiet and reserved? Do you often feel like you’re on the outside looking in while in social settings? Well if you do, you may be a wallflower. Wallflowers share a lot of the same characteristics as introverts, except the term is more specific to social situations. During those situations, wallflowers tend to drift off to the corner, away from other people. Most people probably have a pretty good idea of what a wallflower is, however there are some stereotypes about wallflowers that are untrue. As someone who identifies as a wallflower, I’ve decided to set the record straight, and give my own accord of what it’s like to be a wallflower.
The biggest stereotype is that wallflowers don’t like people, or don’t like being around people. This is not necessarily the case. For me, it’s not that I don’t like people, I enjoy being around my friends and being out in social situations with my friends. With that being said, there are also times when I feel disconnected from those around me. I feel like my presence isn’t being felt, and it takes me out of the moment. It makes me feel like I don’t belong with everyone else. Whenever I feel the wallflower in me start to come out, I start to feel like I’m in the way of the people around me who are actually having a good time. The way I cope with this is by withdrawing and going off to myself to reconnect and reflect. Obviously if I’m at a party or club this kind of thing isn’t really possible, so I end up just standing there in the middle of a bunch of people who are all caught up in the moment, while I’m intensely aware of how awkward, disconnected, and uncomfortable I’m feeling. So naturally my only option is to separate myself and make my escape to a room, wall, or corner that’s off to the side somewhere.
Wallflowers are almost universally introverted, but not all introverts are wallflowers. Introverts naturally have a social meter that is drained during social interactions or events, but the feeling associated with being a wallflower is different. I would describe the feeling associated with being an introvert that has drained their social meter, as more of an aggravated exhaustion, while the feeling associated with being a wallflower is more of a discomfort and alienation.
Just like with most things in life, this is a case by case kind of thing. While I tend to feel more comfortable in the background, there are times when I feel more comfortable and feel like being more sociable too. For me it’s all about the energy of the room. I can usually tell almost instantly how I’m feeling about a social situation based on how I feel about the energy in the room. Whether I feel comfortable or if I feel alienated and uncomfortable. Obviously this also varies person to person. People can react to the same situation in different ways. Just because you know multiple people that you would consider to be wallflowers, doesn’t mean that they’ll both feel uncomfortable or alienated in the same social situation.
Most wallflowers lack the assertiveness to explicitly let their feelings be known. One of the reasons for this is that they don’t want to kill the mood and bring the people around them down. The most important thing you can do for your wallflower friends, is to just try to be aware of how they’re feeling about a situation. You may not fully understand why they feel uncomfortable in certain situations, but being aware of how they’re feeling and making sure to not put them in a position that will make them even more uncomfortable is the best way to go.
Just some guy on the internet 